Thursday, November 15, 2007

Where Else Were We?

Vaya sirena màs guapa que acaba de salir del mar
(look at the lovely mermaid that just came out of the sea)

We dipped our feet in the freezing ocean water a little before midnight. God, the moon was bright. I was the closest to prayer I'd been in years. Writing this all down the following day, I would try to record a sentiment of never having left—but would quickly discover there wasn't anything with which to build a case. Yes, everything is the same. But everything is also very different; changed within the span of an entrance into and exit out of the sea.

You can go from town to town in this country and have that same sense: each city different, but so many commonalities. Always a Main Street, always a library. Always a white-haired man handing out pamphlets about the fast-track to salvation (Jesus, doncha know). Part of the adventure is finding differences in the places you go so you can keep track of your movements. Like, the smell of a place: an open field, or an attic, pillow, or the inside of a book. "It smells the same," he told me of a small town in Texas. "Just like I remember it." Just like the smell of the space where a neck meets a shoulder blade; or a tree just after the first leaves have fallen in autumn.

The man standing behind a bodega check-out counter watched my approach, keeping his eyes on me as he rang up the purchase. "Did you just get out of work?" he asked. "No," I said, smiling. "I was at a friend's show." "So now what?" "I'm heading home," I told him, then laughed. "Now you know everything."

He handed me a small bag with my receipt. We locked eyes. "Next time," he said, "I will know more."

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Lift Me Up

Image and video hosting by TinyPicIsraeli plastic surgeon Eyal Gur awaits approval for his new breast-lift procedure currently in its testing phase on none other than pigs. The "internal bra" features a thin titanium bra-like frame implanted under the skin with silicone cups to hold the breasts up. Dr. Gur said the procedure will be quicker (40 minutes long), less invasive (local anesthesia only) and less expensive (no hospital stay) than today's breast lifts.

It never ceases to amaze me that it's men coming up with this shit.

[Originally posted at]

Man Boobs

Image and video hosting by TinyPicJust when you thought people couldn't stoop any lower on the Internet, some freaks over in the UK came up with the ever-brilliant Manboobs site, the tagline for which reads “The only site that says ‘We’re fat and we’re proud’ and then quickly puts its T-shirt back on.”

You can submit a shot of your manboobs, check out other guys' manboobs, get your manboobs into a women's magazine, and scope the top-10 manboobs of the week. Even better, you can now befriend the Manboobs masterminds on Facebook. We never thought we would live to see the day.

Someone needs to be taken out back and shot. Quickly. Ah, who're we kidding? We became Facebook friends with these weirdos as quickly as we could.

[Originally posted at]

Thursday, November 1, 2007

News & Culture

Reviews of Factory Girl, Meatballs, The Last Mimzy, and Muse's latest tour
[Click on article for larger size]


[Originally published in Playgirl, November 2007]