Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Weird Law Still on the Books

All you gals in Illinois may wish to hide the following information from your beaus.

All bachelors in Illinois are to be called "master"—not "mister", not "dude", not "you fucking asshole"—when addressed by their ladyfriends. That's according to official state law.



[Originally posted at]

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

'Natural Orifice' Surgeries: Dare you read on?

Forget all the fun things you can stick into your juice box and ass—you'll never guess what you can pull out!

Forget the "appendix through the mouth" procedure, people! Doctors around the world are going further than ever thought possible with "natural orifice" surgeries; removing gallbladders and kidneys by way of the vagina (!)—and procedures are in the works for surgical extraction from the anus, Newsweek reported.

But wait, there's more! Doctors who are particularly pumped about the whole things have started the Natural Orifice Surgery Consortium for Assessment and Research. That's NOSCAR; get it? Natural-orifice surgeries are supposed to be faster and less painful than laparoscopic surgery, cheaper and they leave no scars. All you have to worry about is, well, pulling weird shit (pardon the pun) through your cootch and rear chute. Really. A kidney-through-the-ass? Brave new world, I tell you.

[Originally posted at]

Monday, April 28, 2008

Lady Killers

Women's interest in enlisting is no longer merely tolerated; it's pursued. Recruiting officers' difficulties attracting fresh faces in light of this war's unpopularity has yielded a new strategy in enlisting efforts: going for the yum-yum.

The United States Marine Corps has started marketing itself to women in a concerted way for the first time, the New York Times reported. The corps now runs ads in magazines like Shape, Self and Fitness, as well as through more mainstream outlets like "American Idol”.
In the latest campaign, a print ad shows a female marine striking a martial arts pose in front of a crowd of men who are looking up to her as their leader. The tag line: “There are no female marines. Only marines.”

It's annoying the Marine Corps has waited until it's desperate to act as though actively seeking out ladies is useful. The organization began accepting women for clerical duties for the Marine Corps in 1918. Recruitment ads during World War II came mostly from the Army and Navy.

In the 1990s, when the Marines Corps was having trouble reaching recruitment goals, it ran a scattering of ads in magazines like Seventeen and Sports Illustrated for Women, using tag lines like “You can look at models, or you can be one” and “Get a makeover that’s more than skin deep.” Gross.

Chicks comprise 6.2 percent of the Marine Corps and go through the same basic training as men.

[Originally posted at]

Book Review: Religious Literacy

Religious Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know—and Doesn't
Stephen Prothero

Out here in the sex industry, we hear a lot of the same religiously conservative arguments over and over again against gay marriage and abortion rights, for abstinence-only education, and why porn is ruining our social and moral fibre. More often than not these debates are paired with Bible citations; whether they be Soddom and Gemmorah or Adam and Eve. The inability of the pro-choice and marriage-equality crowd to engage in these disagreements with the same artillery as the religious right is a disservice to our opinions, points, and general discourse. Wouldn't it be great if the people fighting from the left understood Biblical texts and could point out weaknesses in arguments against tolerance?

Stephen Prothero didn't write Religious Literacy to lay out a strong case for the left's religious education: He wrote the book to hold a mirror up to society and prove that almost all Americans lack a comprehensive understanding of even the most basic religious information; causing a serious impediment to our grasp on international issues as well as domestic political policy. The book makes a very strong case for teaching at the very least a basic world religion course to high-schoolers; as well as a separate Bible 101 class. And coming from a particularly agnostic viewpoint, I gotta say: The man has a point.

[Originally posted at]

Menstrual Blood: The new wonder cure-all

Matriarchal and Pagan societies, Tibetan lamas, Native American peoples, and Gnostic worshipers regularly used menstrual blood in their rituals as offerings to the earth, the community, and the goddess. The rituals of many traditions from Taoists to the Ancient Egyptians involved the ingestion of menstrual blood mixed with red wine to increase spiritual power. In Ancient Greece spring festivals included the spreading on the earth of corn mixed with menstrual blood to increase fertility. Now Western society is catching on. Sort of.

A new study suggests menstrual blood may be used to repair heart cells, Fox News reported. Researchers used menstrual blood from nine women and focused their study on a kind of cell that can act like stem cells. The results were awesome:
About 20 percent of these cells began beating spontaneously about three days after being put together in vitro with cells from the hearts of rats, the study says. The cells later formed sheet-like heart muscle tissue.The success rate is 100 times higher than the 0.2 to 0.3 percent for stem cells taken from human bone marrow, researcher Shunichiro Miyoshi, a cardiologist at Keio University's school of medicine, told French news agency AFP.

We always new women would be the ones to heal the world.

[Originally posted at]

Miley Cyrus' Late Case of Modesty

Poor Miley Cyrus. The 15-year-old stripped down for a photo shoot with renowned photographer Annie Leibowitz for a Vanity Fair shoot; images of which were all digital and looked at that day with VF peeps, her family, and Annie. Everyone dug them. But now that the media's a little shocked, Miley's changed her tune.

"I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed," she told Entertainment Tonight. "I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about."

Miley apologized yesterday to her fans for the photo in question, which shows Miley sitting in profile with just a blanket wrapped around her chest.

Vanity Fair editors respond: "Miley's parents and/or minders were on the set all day. Since the photo was taken digitally, they saw it on the shoot and everyone thought it was a beautiful and natural portrait of Miley. In fact, when Bruce Handy interviewed Miley, he asked her about the photo and she was very cheerful about it and thought it was perfectly fine." [ET]

A Disney Channel spokesperson says: "Unfortunately, as the article suggests, a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines."

Uh-huh. All we're wondering is why anyone thought it was appropriate for a 15-year-old to drop her top in the first place. After all, she's only three years shy of being a real centerfold.

[Originally posted at]

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Go Ahead, Rock the Five-Knuckle Shuffle

Okay boys, today's your lucky day.

Men who frequently masturbate appear to have a lower risk of developing prostate cancer, Fox News Reported.

Australian Researchers from the Cancer Council of Victoria found men who masturbated more than five times weekly were one-third less likely to develop the cancer. Pack your palms, gentlemen!

The prostate produces one of the fluids involved in ejaculation. Beating the meat on a regular basis flushes carcinogens out. It's as simple as that. The study surveyed 1,000 dudes who got prostate cancer and 1,250 who didn't, between the ages of 20 and 50.

And here's a bone for the ladies—it's not just pump-thumping that does it! That's right—good old-fashioned banging will do it too. Just as long as you don't end up with an STD, which raises your risk of cancer.

[Originally posted at]

Monday, April 21, 2008

Review: Cops 20th Anniversary DVD

COPS: 20th Anniversary DVD
(20th Century Fox)

1989 was a quite a year for America. A wave of revolutions swept the Eastern Bloc, leading to the end of the Soviet Union and Stalinistic Marxism-Leninism. A new era of neoliberal globalization and free trade was begun; with the United States as the dominating force. On our own shores, we had race riots in Overtown, Miami; the Stockton Massacre in Stockton, Calif.; Ted Bundy was executed; and Exxon Valdez dumped 240,000 barrels of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound. Let freedom ring!

The year also marks the March 11 debut of “COPS”; America's 30-minute, action-packed, four-time Emmy-nominated reality series with that catchy opening jingle (“Bad boys, bad boys!”), giving us an up-close view of the rebellious lower class from the safety of our couches. 20th Century Fox Entertainment has just released the 20th Anniversary DVD collection of this gem; featuring more than five hours of awesome, new cop-on-drunken trailer-trash content, commentaries by producer John Langley; two “best of” compilation episodes, and tons of featurettes. From “COPS in the Movies and on TV: Spoofs and Tributes” (particularly awesome); “Cops On Cops” (sounds naughty!); and “Famous Fan Favorites”, I encourage you to hit up the nearest bodega for a few 40s, throw on a wife-beater, and queue up the ol' DVD player.

[Originally posted at]

Chelsea Clinton: America's favorite fag-hag

Keeping up with keeping hip is tough work. And what used to work for politicians (speaking to MTV, appearing on "The Daily Show") is now run-of-the mill; standard. So kudos go to Chelsea Clinton, who seems to have learned how to hold her liquor. The former First Daughter went on a gay pub crawl Friday night in Philly to rouse supporters.
Led around the neighborhood by Gov. Ed Rendell, Chelsea was mobbed by local gays and lesbians, as she walked from one club to the next. They ran up to hug her, posed for pictures and certainly invaded her personal space.

“I grabbed her ass,” one young woman exclaimed to her friends after snapping a picture with her arm around the former first daughter. []

Everyone wanted to be close to Chelsea—even a few people rocking Obama stickers and pins (leftover from a rally taking place a few blocks away earlier that night). She hit four bars in Center City, finishing up at Woody's.

Instead of the barbed questions Chelsea's faced in recent appearances, this crowd had other curiosities; such as what she'll wear on inauguration day, and what she's doing with her fabulous hair these days. Gotta love the gays.

[Originally posted at]

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Nudie Calendar Proves Less 'Fruitful' Than Imagined

Those of you looking for a way to kill two proverbial birds with one stone are about to stumble onto greatness: Seven middle-aged Spanish moms who posed for a tongue-in-cheek erotic calendar — a fundraiser for their children's tiny, rural school — are now saddled with debt and 5,000 unwanted copies, Fox News reported. Get your naked fix and contribute to a good cause, people!

Who cares if the calendar's out of date? With shots of mothers wearing tinsel instead of clothes, a "shotgun-toting mom wearing only a fox pelt kneeling on a table"; and more, how can you go wrong?

The calendar was released in November and its popularity started out big; then, everything fell through. The women, new to distribution, publishing and advertising, totally missed the Christmas "rush"; and with sales at a stand-still (the calendar is only $8, people!), the women owe a printer about $16,000.

"The sad part for us is figuring out what to do with them because it is not something you can recycle," said Rosa Garin, 36, one of the models in Serradilla del Arroyo, a village of 400 people in northern Salamanca province.

The town's elementary school has one classroom and one teacher handling seven students who span four grades. Village matrons decided to build a recreation center for the kids; the goal being to offset government neglect of rural communities. The calendar was intended to pay for the center.

Note to women of Serradilla del Arroyo: Get Dame Judi Dench to pose for next year's calendar. Guaranteed to sell like hot cakes.

[Originally posted at]

Abortion as Art?

A senior at Yale puts an art project on display next week documenting nine months of repeated artificial insemination paired with abortion-inducing drugs, the Yale Daily News reported.

If you're not already yammying in your mouth, there's more. The student, Aliza Shvarts, will include in her exhibition video recordings of the forced miscarriages and preserved collections of blood from the process.

And if you haven't already figured it out, Shvarts' intention with all this insanity is to "spark conversation and debate on the relationship between art and the human body," the Yale Daily News reported. As you can well imagine, there's already been a bit of a to-do about the installation; from students bitching from all ends of the abortion-stance spectrum that Shvarts' project "does everything from violate moral code to trivialize abortion."
The display of Schvarts' project will feature a large cube suspended from the ceiling of a room in the gallery of Green Hall. Schvarts will wrap hundreds of feet of plastic sheeting around this cube; lined between layers of the sheeting will be the blood from Schvarts' self-induced miscarriages mixed with Vaseline in order to prevent the blood from drying and to extend the blood throughout the plastic sheeting.Schvarts will then project recorded videos onto the four sides of the cube. These videos, captured on a VHS camcorder, will show her experiencing miscarriages in her bathrooom tub, she said. Similar videos will be projected onto the walls of the room.

Like any other typical college senior hell-bent on being different and shocking, Shvarts denies her project was created for shock value; instead post-modernly waxing, "I hope it inspires some sort of discourse. Sure, some people will be upset with the message and will not agree with it, but it's not the intention of the piece to scandalize anyone." Cute.

So what about the donors? Shvarts found some volunteers (this is college, after all!), requiring them to merely take STD tests periodically. She did not disclose how many donors she used; or how many times she inseminated herself. As for her numerous miscarriages: Shvarts expressed no concern regarding medical effects; and noted the abortifacient drugs were legal and herbal. Therefore, like any young thing, Shvarts didn't deem it necessary to see any doctors about all the miscarriages.

[Originally posted at]

Pretty in Pink

Three men carrying paintball guns walk into a strip club.

Nah, there's no "punchline" here; unless of course you consider gunning down a bunch of strippers with paintball guns a punchline. Actually, hey—that's not too shabby.

The guys wandered into a Boynton Beach, Fla., strip club and set their paint-filled firearms on exotic dancers in the joint, police told Fox News. The alleged incident all started when a dancer got into a fight with the club's manager. The men intervened, and somehow three dancers ended up with circular bruises after being lambasted with pink paintballs. [Fox News]

[Originally posted at]

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Police Chief Trusted with 'Fighting Vice' Busted in the Buff with Five Broads

In yet another case of irony in recent headlines, Tehran's police chief—entrusted with fighting vice in Iran—was jailed after being caught, naked, with six women in a brothel, Fox News reported.

Ali Reza Jamshidi, a spokesman, refused to elaborate on the case. Local media, on the other hand, sings like a bird. Gen. Reza Zarei was caught last month with six nude women by a police raid on an underground local brothel. He was forced to resign. Prostitution is, of course, illegal in Iran (duh—even talking about sex is frowned upon by hard-line clerics ruling Iran).

Zarei was in charge of a program to clean cities from corruption and in recent months had reported arrests of young men and women for illicit relationship or not respecting the Islamic dress code.

Why can't people lighten up a little bit? Let people do their own thing (i.e. don't arrest them for how they dress), and you'll be surprised how tolerant folks can be when you get busted hangin' with naked ladies.

[Originally posted at]

Monday, April 14, 2008

Marilyn Monroe's Oral-Sex Flick Sells for $1.5M

Move over, Paris Hilton: There's a new [vintage] blonde bombshell in town who is way, way, way hotter than you.

Possibly unbeknownst to her, Marilyn Monroe starred in a short film during which she performed fellatio on some super-lucky dude (whose face is conveniently out-of-view), the New York Post reported.

A top collector in New York told the paper he bought the 15-minute, 16-mm footage, which is still classified by the FBI, for $1.5 million.

The film, which is speculated to have been shot in the 1950s, surfaced in the 1960s. Then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents try for two weeks to prove Monroe's sex partner was John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews.
The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens...


[Originally posted at]

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Latest in Douchebaggery: Dudes convicted for swishiness

There's a new definition of "debauchery" in town.

Five dudes were sentenced yesterday in Egypt to three years in prison for the "habitual practice of debauchery"; which is a fancy way of saying "consensual homosexual behavior", the Associated Press reported. In addition to prison time, the men will undergo an additional three years of police supervision—that is, they'll have to spend every night, from 6 p.m.-6 pa.m., in a police station.

The five convicted Wednesday were among 12 people arrested in a sweep that began in October, when police arrested a man during an altercation with another man on a Cairo street, Human Rights Watch said.

Human rights groups claim the men were targeted for having the AIDS virus, and officials used the debauchery charges to prosecute. Four of the five men convicted yesterday tested HIV-positive after all were forced to undergo blood tests in custody, Human Rights Watch reported. The New York-based rights group issued a statement Tuesday signed by more than 100 other organizations around the world condemning the prosecutions.

[Originally posted at]

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Mean Girls

Yet another reason I don't miss high school: Footage released Monday depicts a bunch of teenaged broads beating the crap out of one of their classmates, wftv reported. Here's the back story:
When 16-year-old Victoria Lindsay arrived at her friend's house where she had been staying, six girls were waiting. Immediately, the cheerleader-types started yelling and one girl began pummeling the victim.On the video, the girls can be heard encouraging the fight in the background, even taunting Lindsay to fight back, all while one of them held the camera.

The attack was allegedly planned with the sole purpose of producing a video for YouTube and MySpace. Lindsay reported the attack after she was beaten so badly she had to be treated at the hospital for a concussion, eye injuries and bruises. That's when the sheriff's office started looking into it and learned about the video.

All suspects face charges for false imprisonment and battery. Three of them were charged with kidnapping because, the sheriff's office said, they forced Lindsay into a car and drove her to another location after the beating. Whoa.

[Originally posted at]

Monday, April 7, 2008

Broad Stabs Hubby Over Hot-Dog Brawl

Hands off her hot dogs!

Alfreda Van Bladel had enough when the petite 28-year-old's husband, Anton, snatched the plate of hot dogs she'd prepared for dinner out of her hands, reported. At least, that's the conclusion we're drawing by the fact she proceeded to stab her husband in the shoulder with a steak knife, according to authorities.

But the fun doesn't stop there! Anton responded by grabbing a handgun, pointing it as Alfreda's pretty little head, and threatening to kill her.

Cops confiscated the knife and handgun, and arrested Alfreda and Anton. The lovely couple faces several charges in connection with the incident, including aggravated battery and assault.

[Originally posted at]

Condy as Commander's Right-Hand [Wo]Man?

The political rumor mill is at it again.

Republican strategist Dan Senor claims Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is "is actively courting the vice presidential nomination," ABC News reported.

So is Condy really cozying up to the Republican elite, as Senor claims?
“There's this ritual in Washington: The Americans for Tax Reform, which is headed by Grover Norquist, he holds a weekly meeting of conservative leaders—about 100, 150 people, sort of inside, chattering, class types,” Senor said. “They all typically get briefings from political conservative leaders. Ten days ago, they had an interesting visit -- Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice—the first time a secretary of state has visited the Wednesday meeting.”

McCain and Rice on one side, and perhaps an Obama/Clinton ticket on the other? Ohh, the toes curl in excited anticipation.

[Originally posted at]

Friday, April 4, 2008

Cat Fight Lands Talk-Show Host in the Dog House

Randi Rhodes—an afternoon host for the progressive Air America radio network, not that Randy Rhoads—was suspended Thursday after repeatedly insulting Senator Hillary Clinton at an event last month.

Rhodes—who for all her fabulousness as a smart-ass broad well-versed in politics, women's issues and news at large—has long earned herself a reputation for being, well, a little tough to get along with if you don't see eye-to-eye. Her disses on Clinton include likening the senator to a prostitute—remarks made at an event sponsored by KKGN, the Air America affiliate in the San Francisco area, on March 22.

Video footage of the tear were quickly uploaded to YouTube Tuesday, which led to the inevitable blogger backlash and subsequent "indefinite suspension" of Rhodes' weekday 3-6 p.m. talk show on Air America. Meow.

[Originally posted at]

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

From Trig to Tricks

prostituteWhat do you do after having won a spot at 13 years old for your vast math skillset at the prestigious Oxford? You trade in math problems for johns, of course.

Sufiah Yusof, now going by the name of Shilpa Lee, who once received the above-mentioned educational opportunity along with her two siblings, has since run away at the age of 15 citing a “controlling and bullying” father. On her Internet advertisement, Yusof claims to be a “sexy, smart student” and charges $258 an hour between the hours of 11a.m. to 8 p.m.

Well, entrepreneurship is a little like math, we guess...

[Originally posted at]

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

News & Culture

Reviews of Blade Runner and Indie Sex
[Click on article for larger size]


[Originally published in Playgirl, April 2008]

Hot Chick + Ugly Dude = True Love?

hotchickwithdouchebagA new study suggests the best marriages are those in which women marry men less attractive than themselves, Fox News reported. You mean, the people running have it all wrong?

Guys who've lamented over their dream girls going arm-in-arm with ugly dudes are just ignorant; and maybe we all should have paid more attention to the entire plot of Beauty and the Beast.

In this study, involving 82 couples married in the last six months and published in the Journal of Family Psychology, men who were better-looking than their wives were more likely to be unhappy and have negative feelings about their marriage.

Conversely, in couples where the wife is more attractive, both partners tended to be very content. This research suggests (in evolutionary terms, mind you) women are less choosy about their man's looks as long as he is able to help them reproduce. Men, on the other hand, are programmed to choose a mate who is most likely to pass on their genes and look for youth, health and physical attractiveness. Go figure.

[Originally posted at]