Friday, June 27, 2008

Eat My Shorts

In yet another story about people who're uptight ruining everyone else's good time, some people in and around Westmore, Vt., are trying to pull the proverbial swimtrunks onto a longtime nude beach.

Southwest Cove is one of the most famous nude beaches in the country, enjoying for the last several decades bare bottoms resting on pristine Lake Willoughby's sandy shores. The beach is public land, visibly removed from a nearby highway, and is marked with signs letting passersby know the score.

The Westmore residents raising all the fuss are using their kids as decoys, claiming they only want to protect the children.

"For me, it's about common public decency - getting families and kids and people and Westmore back down to what they all talk about as being the most beautiful place, and they don't go there any more," said Tony Strange, who lives about one-half mile from Southwest Cove and helped circulate a petition asking the Select Board to enact an anti-nudity ordinance.

Let's all join hands in a collective plea for Mr. Strange to get a grip, let loose, and drop his shorts.

[Originally posted at]

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Cover Your Ears: 'Don't ask, don't tell' policy forces more ladies from Army, Air Force

Pentagon statistics show the Army and Air Force discharging a disproportionate number of women in 2007 under the "don't ask, don't tell" policy which, doncha know, prohibits openly gay people from serving in the military.

You'd think the folks in charge would busy themselves working through other looming issues for women who serve—like the fact women in the U.S. military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire in Iraq, as the LA Times reported in March.

In spite of women comprising a mere 14 percent of Army personnel, 46 percent of those discharged under the policy last year were women, the Seattle Times reported. And while 20 percent of Air Force personnel are women, 49 percent of its discharges under the policy last year were women. In 2006, 35 percent of the Army's discharges and 36 percent of the Air Force's were women, according to the statistics. These numbers were gathered under a Freedom of Information Act request by the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, a policy advocacy organization.

Pentagon officials did not explain why the numbers for women increased last year. Curious.

[Originally posted at]

Today in Censorship...

Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels recently signed into law a bill requiring bookstores to register with the governor and pay a $250 fine if they sell "sexually explicit materials" (bye bye, Kama Sutra).

As pointed out in a newsletter distributed by the National Coalition Against Censorship, "sexually explicit" "could include Lady Chatterly's Lover, Fear of Flying, and The Joy of Sex. Yikes.

[Originally posted at]

Friday, June 20, 2008

A New Way For Lonely Men to Up Their Creepiness Factor

Those cuh-razy inventors over in Japan have outdone themselves yet again—this time with a robot designed for guys who just can't get a date. A Japanese firm, Sega Toys, created the 15-inch robotic girlfriend that kisses on command, hands out business cards, sings and dances.

So I know you're all wondering how this tough little mankiller, called "EMA" (Eternal Maiden Actualization), works. How good of you to ask! You can chalk her "love mode" up to some infrared sensors and battery power.

"She's very lovable and though she's not a human, she can act like a real girlfriend," Minako Sakanoue, a spokeswoman for Sega Toys, told Reuters. Rrrrriiiight.

Sega hopes to sell 10,000 in the first year. Want to be at the front of the checkout line? The sweet young thing goes on sale in September and can be yours for only $175.

[Originally posted at]

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Newsflash: Teenagers have poor decision-making skills

A bunch of regular Columbos looking into a marked rise in teen pregnancy at Gloucester High School came up with some amazing information: Of the 17 student mommies-to-be, almost half made a pact to get that way.

All the expectant mothers are younger than 16; those in on this brilliant plan agreed to raise the little darlings together, a la that old adage about a village and babies. Amazing. Also amazing: Top officials at the Massachusetts school's health center resigned last month over a disagreement regarding the distribution of contraceptives:
Medical Director Dr. Brian Orr and chief nurse practitioner Kim Daly support confidentially giving contraceptives to students. They were outraged about resistance from Addison Gilbert Hospital, which administers the state public health grant that funds the school clinic.
The school, in a "normal" year, has about four pregnancies. When an exhorbitantly high number of hormone-riddled baby mamas visited the school clinic for pregnancy tests, officials' curiousity was piqued. Best part—one of the fathers is allegedly some 24-year-old homeless dude. Oh, to be young again!

[Originally posted at]

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

'Natural Condom' to Prevent the Spread of AIDS?

Applying the female hormone estrogen to a man's junk once a week can quadruple the amount of a defensive protein that may prevent the spread of AIDS, reported.

Applying estrogen in cream-form to the penis creates a biological membrane impermeable to the AIDS virus by upping keratin proteins on the skin, doctors claim.

Researchers said the technique, which does not protect against other sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy, could provide a cheap and simple method of guarding against HIV around the world. Stay tuned! Clinical trials are expected soon in Africa.

[Originally posted at]

Monday, June 16, 2008

Fox's Latest Offense

You'd think news outlets would know the meanings of words used in headlines and broadcasts; and avoid using blatantly offensive phrases. Not so for Fox News, which blazed the headline "Outraged Liberals: Stop Picking on Obama's Baby Mama!" (screen grab above) under clips of Michelle Obama during a news segment about the right's "alleged" attacking of Barack Obama's wife.

Had anyone bothered to look up "baby mama" in an urban dictionary, the following definitions may have provided some pause:
  • The mother of a man's child when the parents are not married
  • The mother of one's child. The connotation is that mother and father do not and never did have any relationship beyond being sex partners. Contrast: ex-wife, ex-girlfriend.
  • The mother of your child(ren), whom you did not marry and with whom you are not currently involved.
  • A term used to define an unmarried young woman (but can be a woman of any age) who has had a child. As mentioned before in another definition, most of the time it is used for when it was simply a sexual relationship, compared to ex-wife or girlfriend. Usually this has a negative connotation, a lot of baby mamas are seen as desperate, gold digging, emotionally starved, shady women who had a baby out of spite or to keep a man. Sometimes they may act like this because of missed child support payments, unfulfilled promises by the father, or convenient sex by the father.
Just keeps getting better and better, no? Fasten your seatbelts, America: This political season is only going to get classier.

[Originally posted at]

'My Lonesome Cowboy' Cums Upon Big Bucks

Takashi Murakami's "My Lonesome Cowboy" sculpture (pictured at left) sold for $15.2 million at a Sotheby's auction in May, New York Magazine reported.

The sculpture, if you haven't already figured it out, features a naked man holding his penis and creating a long, curly lasso out of his ejaculate.

Some art critics call Murakami the Japanese Warhol, for Murakami's penchant for repackaging cultural kitch. But, as one blogger so aptly put it, "did Warhol ever depict a badass anime guy with spikey hair whipping the semen coming from his member into a skillful lasso with a triumphant expression on his face? I think not." Either way, we're pleased as punch to see the male form, ahem, popping up everywhere.

[Originally posted at]

Friday, June 13, 2008

Holy Crap!

A woman suffering a strange compulsion of eating her own hair produced a 10-pound hairball (pictured at right; thanks a lot NBC). Yikes.

The 18-year-old went to doctors after five months of abdominal pain and the loss of 40 pounds. Sensing something was up, the good docs took a look inside—and discovered the hairball, which took up almost all of the woman's stomach.

Confronted, she admitted to making a habit of eating her own hair; a condition doctors refer to as trichophagia, but we can just call "being off your rocker".

Small incisions were no match for the mass, which had to be removed entirely through a good, old-fashioned surgery. The patient was released from the hospital after five days, and urged to pay a visit to the shrink. Fast-forward one year: She's regained about half of the weight she lost and claims to have stopped eating her hair.

Don't you just love happy endings?

[Originally posted at]

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Mincing up Michelle: Maureen Dowd assesses the black-femme situation

The issue of feminism in politics is one that's been particularly prevalent in recent months as Hillary Clinton campaigned for the spot of Prezzy. There were questions about Clinton surrounding herself with girly men; whether the country is ready for a female president; and general weirdness of a woman showing emotion on the campaign trail.

Maureen Dowd in her column yesterday railed against Republicans looking to transfer their barbs from the recently ousted Clinton into the ultra-fabulous flanks of Michelle Obama.
It’s good news for Obama that Hillary’s out of the race. But it’s also bad news. Now Republicans can turn their full attention to demonizing Michelle Obama. Mrs. Obama is the new, unwilling contestant in Round Two of the sulfurous national game of “Kill the witch.”

There are some who think it will be harder for America to accept a black first lady — the national hostess who serenely presides over the White House Christmas festivities and the Easter egg roll — than a black president.

Read the full text of the article here.

[Originally posted at]

Utah City Council to Lift Bikini Ban

Hey butterflies! Slip on some duds, comb out your fros, and dig out that teeny, weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini. Less than one month after a city-wide bikini ban, Utah's Kanab City Council is lifting the painfully conservative ruling to allow two-pieces and Speedos at the town's soon-to-open public pool, the Salt Lake Tribune reported.

Councilwoman Nina Laycook claimed the ban on bikinis and Speedos was unintentional; instead stating her "recommendation is going to be no thongs or string bikinis.

"We were so engrossed with safety and health issues we overlooked the wording [about swimming attire]," she said. "We are addressing that now by amending the policy."

[Originally posted at]

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Holy Hymen! Muslim Women Enjoy a Surgical V Replacement

An increasing number of Muslim women are undergoing "hymenoplasties" to restore their hymens and fool unwitting grooms-to-be into thinking the babes are still untouched below-the-belt, the International Herald Tribune reported.

Gynecologists told the Tribune that more Muslim women in recent years have requested certificates of virginity before marriage to prove to husbands-to-be the women are chaste.
That trend in turn has created a demand among cosmetic surgeons for hymen replacements; which, if done properly, they say, will not be detected and will produce tell-tale vaginal bleeding on the wedding night. The service is widely advertised on the Internet; there are medical tourism packages to countries like Tunisia where the procedure is less expensive.

Friday, June 6, 2008

From Cheeks to Chest

Preparation H, the topical medication some unfortunate souls use to treat hemorrhoids, has more uses than you can shake a stick at, apparently. Because the ointment shrinks blood vessels to relieve swelling, the stuff is a miracle for puffy eyes. But dudes have a different use for it: slathering Preparation H on their chests to make themselves look more ripped.

Body builders have been known to use the ointment to help with “problem areas” before competitions; but don't go thinking this is endorsed by the company. No, no! A spokeswoman with Wyeth Consumer Healthcare, the maker of Preparation H, told the company doesn't approve or endorse off-label uses for the drug. Typical.

Some docs say the drug can cause uncomfortable side effects such as rashes, as well as more serious side effects such as elevated blood pressure. Eh; those risks pale in comparison to some ointmented-up chest muscles. Right?

[Originally posted at]

Monday, June 2, 2008

Let the Sun Shine In!

Put your girls to good use on the beach this summer with the new solar-powered bra by Triumph International, a Japanese women's underwear company. The cumbersome gadget has enough exposed (get it?!) panels to power an iPod or cell phone (hell, why not go ahead and power a vibrator?). And for some strange reason, there are also inexplicable water pouches on these puppies—so you don't have to use wasteful water containers. Doubles as a boob-enhancer!

Other Triumph specials: a baseball bra (with fielder's-mitt-shaped cups) and heated bra (with microwavable gel pads to warm the cups). Does it get any better than this?

[Originally posted at]

Sunday, June 1, 2008

News & Culture

Reviews of Romance and Cigarettes and Film Noir Classics
[Click on article for larger size]
[Originally published in Playgirl, June 2008]

California Love

Take your man to Monterey
[Click on article for larger viewing size]


[Originally published in Playgirl, June 2008 issue]