NICOLE CALDWELL, Former editor-in-chief of Playgirl, ponders the size of Obama’s penis, the power of the Presidential paunch and whether all the fetishization will hurt the Barack Star on election day.
By Nicole Caldwell
You know you’ve reached celebrity status when your name replaces God’s in the sack—and you’re not even the one getting laid. “Mike,” a 52-year-old moderate Republican in financial services, recently picked up a hot blond twenty-something at Townhouse Bar on East 58th Street in Manhattan.“He was very excited about Obama,” Mike recalls, “very into the campaign. I didn’t want to talk politics, but as he rambled on and got more and more excited, I expressed a few reservations about the anointed one. He dismissed them outright.”
Mike bit his tongue, worried that admitting his intention to vote McCain Nov. 4 would end the encounter.The two eventually wandered to Mike’s place on the Upper East Side for more drinks. One thing led to another, and soon the pair was naked. That’s when, Mike says, things got weird.The young Democrat was a bottom; and as Mike mounted him, the younger man grew animated. “Ohhhh, ohhhhh,” Mike says the man cried. “Obaaaama!”Although Mike is white, it seems that the young blond had his own fantasies about who was fucking him.
Let’s face it: Barack Obama is hot. As we move into the final days until the election, it’s become more apparent, however, that people are not making rational decisions based on voting records or even debating skills. They are voting with their emotions, their passions, even their fantasies about who they would rather kiss, fondle or fuck.
Bammers has single-handedly inspired the kind of adoration usually reserved for cultural icons like The Beatles, Elvis or Tom Cruise (circa Risky Business). That’s right, he’s a Barack star. Women weep at his rallies. Photos of him frolicking shirtless on a beach get splayed across pages of People. The media can’t get enough of him. He’s America’s sweetheart. Even Barbara Walters, during Obama’s guest appearance last March on The View, couldn’t resist a little flirtation. “We thought you were very sexy,” she told Obama, when he said his distant cousin Brad Pitt got all the hot genes. Oh, please.
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[Originally published in New York Press, Oct. 29, 2008]